Tuesday in the Fourth Week of Lent

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. (Romans 7:15, 19)


In these two verses, Paul captures the very heart of the Christian idea of sin. In its most genuine meaning, sin is more that just breaking the rules, more than just transgressing God's commandments, more than doing things we know we're not "supposed" to do even though we  think they're fun. In its most genuine meaning, sin is the experience of not being able to do the good things we really do want to do. Sin is a kind of fracture within ourselves, an alienation from our own best selves, the inescapable sense that no matter how hard we try we just can't seem to act with the good motives and characteristics and outcomes we truly desire. Sin is not about some high-up, far-off, distant vengeful god watching to catch us when we trip over some arcane rule and punish us for every minor infraction. Sin is about our own bafflement that even our best intentions, even our wisest aspirations, even our most generous impulses, so often go awry, so often fail to live up to the love we mean them to be.


And that means, in turn, that repentance and forgiveness of sin is about more than just God letting us off the hook for the rules we've broken, more than just God deciding not to punish us even though we "deserve" it. The word "forgive" is built on the word "give": forgiveness of sin is an act of giving, a generosity to make up for the failings and inadequacies of our good intentions that miss their mark. God's forgiveness is a gift of wisdom to help us understand our own actions, a gift strength that is greater than our own to do the good we want. The repentance we practice in Lent is much more than beating ourselves up for the bad things we've done, but instead is a discipline of opening ourselves up and preparing to receive the gift of God's forgiveness, the strength and wisdom and love that makes life new.


How will you understand what you do -- and do what you truly want -- today?